Taboo [AkrixAmakai]

There were some things that just shouldn't be. Things that didn't make sense. Then there were things that were just unavoidable. Tom's life was all three of those things and it was driving him insane. After all, what was a boy to do when you were hopelessly in love with someone completely unattainable.

You see, Tom was not an only child. He had a brother. He was older of course, by ten minutes. Twins. As just small children, they seemed completely normal. After all, twins were close until they developed. Problem was, they stayed close. Even in their teens Tom would find himself holding Bill's hand or letting Bill climb into his bed. Things that should have stopped years before, they continued to do as if it was as normal as breathing.

Their parents had been concerned of course. Something that rubbed off on Bill. Bill was constantly worried they were strange. But how could they be, they were one. They both knew it. One without the other, it just couldn't happen. It was just...neither could even picture it. Bill was his greatest gift and he was Bill's other half.

Soul mates.

Like mentioned before. Shouldn't be, didn't make sense, and completely, hopelessly unavoidable. What was a boy to do when your soul mate...the true half of your soul, was none other than your very own twin brother?

Well...Tom had a solution to that. Don't tell him.

It was pointless. He'd been round and round in circles with his feelings for Tom. It wasn't RIGHT. He knew that it'd almost never be accepted by others. Even though thousands of fans shipped them all across the globe; and he knew because he'd looked after stumbling across some fanart. He hadn't shown Tom any of it. Instead he kept it himself, living in his fantasy world of 'what ifs' every living moment he wasn't with Tom.

It was so hard for him. The harder he tried to stay away from Tom, the more he found that he wanted nothing more then to be wrapped up in those big strong arms that had defended him from bullies all the while they were kids.

Bill sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He was supposed to be writing new songs for their upcoming album and almost everything he wrote sounded straight out of a porno or something worse, "Touch me...yea...I wish..." he grumbled, crumpling up the paper and tossing it into the ever growing pile of scrapped ideas.

Tom yawned as he pushed away his laptop. He'd been staring at it for hours now. He'd managed to tweak a few compositions before his mind had wandered, as it tended to do. He'd spent the better part of the last hour staring at old concert videos. It was ridiculous. Idiotic even.

Dropping his head back, he sighed before rubbing his face. Blinking his eyes to adjust to the sudden lack of a bright screen, he stood up and started stretching. "Ah..." he sighed out as he felt his back pop. Tugging the tie from his hair, he let it down before he padded out of his room to get a drink. "Hey Bill! You want dinner?!" he yelled out.

Tom's voice startled him him from his thoughts and he jumped, heart pounding. He was about to say no thanks until his stomach growled in protest to his mind and he sighed, "Okay okay." he mumbled to it, rubbing his hand over it as he got to his feet, "Yea...I'm hungry...what should we have?" he asked, leaving the bedroom where he'd hauled himself up in.

Tom glanced back over his shoulder as he fought back a yawn. Turning back to the kitchen, he grabbed a glass to fill with water. Shifting around, he leaned on the counter as he sipped at the liquid. It felt good to have a cool drink after being locked up so long in his room.

Smiling a little at his little brother, he glanced at the clock. It was late. Very late. "Take out? I can order some pizza. Or maybe some chinese. What do you think?"

"I seriously don't think any place is even open this late...we'll have to make something ourselves...or walk down to the gas station for snacks." he replied, getting to his feet. He stretched, gathering all the scraps of papers off the floor to throw out. He didn't need Tom seeing this stuff. However, he missed a small doodle he'd done that had fallen between the desk and the trash can. An obvious stick figure doodle of Tom getting him off.

Tom chuckled softly thinking it over. Bill did have a point. It was seriously late and there was no way that any of the local places were still delivering if they were even open. On the other hand, he didn't want to walk to the gas station either. After cramming himself away for so many hours he was feeling just a tiny bit lazy.

Setting his glass down, he headed off to Bill's room, stopping in the doorway to lean on the frame. Smiling faintly, he watched as his little brother tossed away what looked to be arm loads of paper. "Don't like what you were coming up with?" he asked slightly amused. Stepping in uninvited, as always, he padded across the room, picking up a stray one. "You forgot one."

Just as he dumped the papers into the trash and had turned to look at his twin, he saw exactly what he was going for. Squeaking and stumbling over his shoes, he hurried towards him and the paper, "Drop it! Don't you dare open that!" he stammered, making to grab for it, "I mean it. Give it to me."

He scowled at his twin, trying to look scary but was more freaked out about what his brother was going to do when he opened that scrap paper and saw what was inside it. His heart was pounding so hard and so fast that he was sure Tom could hear it.

Tom raised an eyebrow, stepping back away from Bill, raising his arm up above his head. Bill was many things around him, but panicked was rarely one of them. When it was, it was usually something embarrassing that Tom could tease him about and as a brother, it was his duty to do so; regardless of how in love with him he was.

Taking another step back, he felt a smile creeping up on his lips. "Oh? What do we have here?" he teased. He took several steps back, turning his back to Bill as he quickly undid the paper. "You reading porn now? Or is a girl?" he teased, his voice going soft at the end as he stared down at the stick figures.

Bill wasn't always the best of artists, but Tom always knew what he was drawing without fail. Twin thing Georg had called it. There was nothing either one of them did that the other could not understand immediately, so even though it was just tiny stick figures, he knew what it was instantly.

"...Bill..." he said softly, turning to face Bill again, his face unreadable. "What is this?"

Bill could hear his heart pounding in his ears as Tom opened up the crumpled drawing. He stood helplessly frozen in spot, mind scrambling to try and come up with something. But what on earth could he even say? He knew already that Tom would know exactly what the stupid little doodle implied.

Swallowing hard, he gave a small shrug, averting his gaze after seeing Tom's face, "...It's just a dumb doodle...just throw it away." he murmured, hoping the nervousness wouldn't be too obvious in his voice. This had to be it. The end of their close bond. It certainly was gonna backfire now. He was struggling to hold himself together but he had to. He just had to.

Tom watched Bill silently. He really didn't know what else to do. He could see simply from the way Bill was acting that the other would not admit to what it was, as obvious as it was; but he needed Bill to say it. As much as he knew he was right...that it was himself on that page; him and Bill; he couldn't risk being wrong.

Licking his lips, he dropped his hands to his sides, taking a few small steps closer to his brother. "...Bill...tell me..." he whispered, a hint of pleading in his voice. "...don't make me wrong about this...please..."

Folding his arms over his chest, he bit his lip some, shifting, "...It's exactly what it looks like..." he eventually murmured, "You...and me...doing stuff we shouldn't ever do..." he turned away, moving to sit at the desk again, "I never wanted you to find out like this...let alone find out at all...we're not supposed to...we're brothers for god's sake but..." he put his head down, looking at the floor, "but I can't help the way I feel...I'm in love with you...and I have been for an ungodly amount of time."

He'd finally said it. Any hope of returned feelings were gone at this point. He was about 95% positive Tom would be disgusted with him. After all...they were brothers and Tom hadn't ever shown interest in men let alone with him. Sure they were close but that's because they were twins. What they did was normal...right?

Tom could feel his heart stutter in his chest, panic and hope creeping into place. Bill loved him. Well he knew that, but Bill LOVED him! It was exactly the same but...completely different and he shouldn't be happy about this. He really shouldn't. Even knowing so, he couldn't help himself from trailing after Bill as the younger took a seat.

Stopping in front of him, he knees pressed against Bill's, he dropped the paper barely hearing the flutter as it drifted to the floor again. Reaching out a hand, he slid his fingers over Bill's cheek before pinching his chin in his fingers and lifting his brothers gaze to his own. "...I'm sorry..." he whispered. Knowing Bill would probably misunderstand, he didn't waste a second as he dipped down sealing his lips over Bill's. He was sorry. Sorry for all the wasted time, for not being braver, for...everything.

Bill's eyes widened, heart practically stopping in his chest. Tom was kissing him. At least he was pretty damn sure Tom was kissing him. As his eyes closed, he reached up with shaky hands to cup his twin's face, returning the kiss with a bit of desperation.

By the apology he'd been given, Bill was able to piece together that Tom had indeed been feeling the same way but, like him, had been too afraid to say anything to him about it. He understood now.

He was so relieved and happy that he could feel the tears he'd been holding back finally slip down his cheeks. He only then hoped that this wasn't a dream because it sure as hell felt like one and he didn't want it to be. He loved Tom more than anyone in the world and he needed his beloved brother in his life.